What would Christmas be...

without a trip to the E.R.? That's right. Let me tell you a little story that will probably now become a family legend for years to come:

'Twas the night before Christmas Eve, and while nursing a cold at home, a friend from CA was visiting and drunk through the city he did roam. He called from some bar and wanted to visit, said he had something for me and I wondered "What is it?". Some time later that evening he arrived at my door, and still I was curious as to what was in store. He was carrying a bag, and as he came near, inside the package I guessed chips or some beer. Imagine my surprise, not the former or latter but a pineapple inside was the fact of the matter.

Okay, I can't do the whole "twas the night before christmas" for the rest of this post or it'll never happen. So, my drunk friend brought me a pineapple because "flowers would've been too predictable". I didn't have the heart to tell him that I don't even eat pineapple but I figured my family would enjoy it and so I brought it to Christmas dinner. My mom asked my dad to just get it started by cutting off the top and bottom. His brilliant (and quite macho) idea was to take a cleaver and chop it like he was in a ginsu knife informercial. Seconds later, there arose such a clatter I ran to kitchen to see what was the matter. My dad had put a nice gash in his finger, blood everywhere. In true guy form, he said he was fine and triedto put a band-aid on his blood and water soaked finger. After about 15minutes, when it hadn't stopped bleeding he finally conceded and let my step-brother drive him to the ER where he received 6 stitches and a tetanus shot. After they left, my mom took out a more appropriate knife and sliced the fruit without incident.

And that my friends, is the story of the Christmas pineapple. Hope you had a Merry Christmas.